book review

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alyssawillome
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book review

Post by alyssawillome »

in this forum you may post and review books that other players are writing the rules are listed below

1. no short stories the story's have to be longer or in progress
2. above spoiler state who it is by like the one i am posting is my sisters but i asked permission and she said yes
3. only productive criticism none of this 'book stinks' or 'how awful'
4. put warnings above authors name like say if there is blood, violence,kissing or anything of that such
other than those rules have fun and have at it :D


contains blood and kissing
By Allana willome
Spoiler
Elementals

by Allana Willome




Chapter 1


“Pick up your feet Alexias! You have to run faster or we’ll never make it!” Laxen yelled to his sister Alexias. They could hear the shifters paws thumping on the ground behind them, along with the hooves of the one horse ands it’s two riders. Laxen grabbed his sisters arm. “Alexias! Don’t slow down!” he yelled.


“I can’t run any faster!” Alexias yelled she knew she couldn’t Alexias was only 13 she had been the slowest at school, even with her untamed ability. She could feel the hard rough forest ground beneath her feet. Alexias felt her lungs burning in her chest, her feet slowed. Laxen stopped and pick her up then took off running again. They were getting closer...


Alexias heard the air being torn through. Their shooting arrows at us! Why is this happening it was an accident! Alexias screamed in her head as a black, red tipped arrow whizzed passed Laxens head. A yell came from behind and two more arrows whizzed past, one scraped Laxens shoulder. The forests density help protect and cover the brother and sister. another yell, more arrows,and then there was a close by yell. Not a command like the others but a pained scream.


Laxen fell to the ground. The fourth arrow had hit his leg. Alexias stared with horror, she could hear them catching up. She pushed herself to her feet. What do I do? My brain wants me to run...but Laxen. They where closer.


“RUN Alexias!” Laxen yelled.


“NO! I’m not losing you to!” Alexias


“You have to! For mom and dad!”


Bewildered Alexias stared at Laxens soft but stern eyes for two more seconds. Then turned and ran. Then they where in front of her to, running towards her. She stopped she heard her brothers’ agonized screams. Four of them whizzed past her but the were in human shape. What? She thought. She heard the shifters yelping and howling. She walked slowly toward where she had come she stared in awe the wolf shaped shifters were tied down by vines the Calvary and archer shifters were in a ringed shaped wall of fire.


“TELL ME NOW!” A man with a sword yell into the ring of fire at the archers and Calvary shifters. The man was about 7 feet tall the tallest she had ever seen, next to him was a kid who was tan and had black hair like the tall man with them was two girls one was blonde the other one was black haired they where the same height...


“Never!” One archer snarled. The tall man stared at the archer then nodded at the boy who seemed to be growling. The ring of fire tightened around the men who began screaming wildly.



Alexias stared though at Laxen who was laying on the ground staring up at the four elementals surrounded by a crimson of red and golden streaked blood. The blonde woman turned and saw Alexias.


“Torhan, Rufius, Cytellia STOP!” The blonde yelled everyone stopped the fire distinguished and the vines shriveled and died. The shifters ran off but the four stared at her then looked at Laxen. Laxen glanced at the tall man then at Alexias.


“She’s my sister...Rufius the one I told you about.” explained Laxen he stared at the black haired woman who Alexias now realized had blue eyes also like the blonde. “How am I? Cailltie?” he asked with a grimace.


“bad...” Cailltie sighed “beyond repair...eternal bleeding. You could at most live...three days.” Alexias stared nooo... she thought mom...dad...AND LAXEN...all of them...


“What, this is your sister.” complained Cytellia “She’s a runt how will she ever be a fighter.”


“Cytellia!” The tall man snapped the boy next to him turned his head I drew a breath in the left side of his face was scared from his hair line down his blind eye to the bottom of his chin. “Is that all you can say to a dying watcher?!”


A watcher? Like A watcher? My brother couldn’t swat a flies. Alexias thought with disbelief. She glanced at her brother he faintly smiled it was hard to tell he had so much pain in his face... If I hadn’t stopped...she told herself mostly in shame. Her eyes filled with tears and her throat clogged. Three days...and then...I’ll be alone she thought.


“No tears” Alexias looked at her brother “No tears...I’m not dead yet.” He said. Smiling weakly. The tears rushed out of Alexias eyes. Laxen patted the ground net to him. She walked over and slowly sat down where he patted. He wiped her eyes “I’m not dead yet...remember the promise I made when mom and dad left?” She nodded slowly “Well Rufius, Cailltie, Cytellia, and Torhan they’re your family now. They’ll keep you safe...and you’ll have a home it’ll be fine.”


“But...but you promised! It’s supposed to be just you and me!” Alexias wailed “I don’t want them! You promised just us! A home! friends! More elementals!” Laxen stared at her and smiled.


“I’ll travel with you guys as far as I can go take Alexias with you, you could call her Alex if you want thats what mom nicknamed her. Alexias, become a fighter...promise?” Laxen said. Alexias wanted to accept her brothers dying wish but it was just too much to ask for.


“No. I won’t and you can’t make me!” Alexias growled she was so confused she loved her brother but being a fighter will this war ever end? she asked herself but she didn’t care if it did or didn’t she only cared about her brother. she felt a hand on her shoulder she looked up to see Cailltie. The woman smiled at her comfortingly the forest suddenly didn’t feel so mournful. She looked over to Laxen.


“We’ll take care of her, Fighter or not.” Cailltie promised then turned towards Alexias “Alex, don’t worry we’ll take good care of you. At base 10 there are lots of kids your age training to be fighters you’ll have lots of friends. you can ask Laxen he’s been there himself!” She explained happily.


Laxen forced himself to his feet. Torhan handed him a large walking stick which Laxen used to help him walk with his injured leg. Rufius gestured north Laxen simply nodded and headed north. He acted as though he’d know Rufius all his life. The forest was dark and dim to Alexias she turned towards Torhan he was the ugliest elemental she had ever seen. His face was the worst his left side.


“We need to talk...” Laxen whispered to Rufius. Rufius made eye contact “It’s about the shifters and...” he looked at Alexias and Torhan “It’s important” he winced with every word. Rufius stared and took a breath in.


“We set up camp here.” He said boldly so everyone could hear “We set out at sun-up if you are tired and fall behind...then good luck.” his words made Alexias un easy good luck...really? she thought to herself as the twin with the black hair pressed her hand into Alexias’s back as if to push her away from everyone else. Alexias watched as the woman set up camp.


“Are you gonna help or what?” Cailltie asked she stared at Alexias who was staring in the direction of her brother now “Kid, Alex look at me when I’m talking to you.” Alexias turned and stared “I am your teacher you listen to me now get over here to help me set up the tent now!” she was snarling with authority.


“Ok Cailltie. I’m coming, I’m coming.” Alexias groaned “Don’t call me Alex.” she walked over to her Teacher kneeled down next to her to help only to find a hand hit her hard on the back of her head. It wasn’t a playful kid-like-hit it was a full out smack. Alexias yelped with pain and rubbed her aching head.


“I’ll call you what I want Alex. Don’t you ever disrespect me again...” Cailltie continued realizing she had Alex’s attention “You will call me ma’am answer with yes ma’am or no ma’am. don’t ever complain or grumble. Or I’ll treat you like the animal you act like. A four paw.” Alexias was still rubbing her head in pain what did this woman mean by a four paw? Alexias had been raised in the human and shifter village so she learn what humans called “english” which was the same langue elementals used only not as simple.


“Whats a four paw, ma’am? I was raised with humans I don’t understand elemental talk much...ma’am” Alexias explained Cailltie simply sighed. How could a woman seem so nice and be so cruel? Alexias thought as a cool breeze whipped past her face. the leaves were the only things making noise. The silence was murderous...Rufius entered the tent he had swiftly set up Laxen followed after giving Alexias a swift smile and nod. Cytellia and Cailltie followed as well. Alexias and Torhan were left alone.


“She is so MEAN! Could you believe her?! You do this! listen to me! Runt! she has no right to treat me...I mean us like that and then I ask her what a four paw is and she snapped at me like I was stupid!! Do I seem stupid? seriously...” Alexias realized he Torhan was staring at her, she waited for him to say something but he just shook his head...like she was a little kid.


Later the adults finally finished talking they exited the tent they looked pale and serious Rufius assigned everyone with jobs he would get camp fire Laxen was to cook the Cytellia and Cailltie guarded the camp Torhan started a fire and Alexias sat down by the fire looking stupidly useless. Laxen passed everyone palettes which we ate off of. Alexias glanced at Toran's plate. Nice red apple...she thought to herself staring at the beautiful food. She hadn’t eaten lunch...or breakfast. She reached over and grabbed the apple. She was startled by Torhan’s reaction he grabbed her wrist and slammed it to his plate.


“My apple!” He growled. Alexias was so startled she’d thought he was mute...she stared as the apple she’d wanted rolled off of the plate and into the fire her and Torhan stared at the apple as it sat in the fire. Torhan released one of her hands as he leaned down and scooped up the apple it was burned almost to a crisp. Torhan glared at Alexias “Stupid girl! I’m just as hungry as you and stealing gets you no where!”


“I...I’m sorry” Alexias began she felt like there was a wall between her and Torhan. She stopped trying to apologize realizing Torhan didn’t want an apology. He was dark, quiet, rude and he acted like a soldier not a thirteen year old boy all he did was remind her of home with Tamber and Olascar.


Tamber and Olascar were older than her by a year. Alexias had lived in a village with humans and shifters the village though was more like an encampment. It didn’t have a name so everyone called it The Eastern Village since it was east of the central village. The Eastern Village was ran by Vaslikon a tall buff male shifter with a bad attitude. He was the reason Alexias had to leave with Laxen, the law of all the villages was that no elementals were allowed to live there and that if an elemental was found he or she would be put to death. Alexias remembered that almost every day during the sun season (which Tamber always called summer) she and her friends would go down to the lake. Alexias, Tamber and Olascar would stay by the lake all day they would swim, eat lunch, look at the clouds, go fishing, race to the lake etc. but Alexias remembered the best thing they did was look at the stars at night. Alexias and her friends would lay on their backs and point out constellations while eating a bag of potato chips. she remembered the cool night breeze and the fire flies...however she knew she would never be able to do these things again, she would never see her friends so even if she did do those things would it ever feel the same?


Her throat clogged and warm tears began trickling out of her eyes. She refused however to sob like a small child in front of everyone...not that she didn’t want to. She wanted to curl up and sob she had lost everything because of what she was. An elemental she wished she was something else a human or shifter like her friends. If she were a shifter or human she could still join a rebellion or something...


“Your crying” Laxen said with sympathy deep in his voice he stared at his sister “If it’s about me dying then let me tell you something I am happier to die with you happy than to live with you miserable...If you are crying about leaving the village then you have to stop living in the past. Alex, I want you live your life the way I wish I could’ve lived mine.” Alexias had stopped crying and managed a smile since that was what her brother wanted. She stopped walked over and hugged him gently so she wouldn’t hurt him. As bruised and battered as he was he hugged her back and squeezed her as tight as he could manage. Since Laxen knew this was his last night he could just tell it was.


That night Laxen laid in his bed more tired than before his left lung still hurt but then again he had pain almost everywhere. He was bruised almost everywhere on his body. He looked across from him at Cytellia who was trying to stay wake to watch him... Even in death he could feel his heart beating quickly in his chest when he looked at her.


“I’m going to die tonight...I can feel it.” Laxen explain trying to sound casual but his voice cracked.


“No, your not your going to leave me.” Cytellia reassured herself but Laxen simply shook his head. Their eyes met Laxen stared at Cytellia his life feeling dim, his heart still pounding, he stared at her tear filled eyes. He patted the ground next to him Cytellia crawled over and sat on her knees next to him. He sighed reached up and set his hand on the left side of her face where the first tear crept down her face Laxen wiped it of her face with his thumb as her left hand with the engagement ring elapsed his. Cytellia wished he would leave his warm, lightly callused hand there.


“One more kiss, love?” he asked as he had asked for their first. He moved his hand off her face as she leaned down her warm tender lips met his at first he felt warm as her tears rolled down her face and landed on his. A cold feeling consumed him and her eyes were the last the he saw before everything went black.

this will be updated weekly :D

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