It was a DDOS attack.
My firewall was configured in a less-than-optimal fashion, which has been fixed.
No data was lost.
Also, who even attacks pet sites? Obviously somebody's eggs didn't get any clicks?
Also, if you don't know what a DDOS attack is:
Spoiler
A DDOS attack is a distributed denial of service attack. The service is magistream, and the denial is the prevention of legitimate users accessing it. The distributed part means it was done over many computers. Basically, somebody gets a bunch of computers together, usually a botnet, and has them all repeatedly send slightly malformed network packets to our server, and once it outweighs the legitimate traffic, legitimate users are affected. If there's enough malicious traffic, the server will go down and wait for me to come fix it.