Monogamy, Polyamory and the like

[flamekaat]

IThe thing about me is I tend to fall in love easily because if someone is really nice to me, I tend to grow deep emotional feelings for that person.

This I have too so it is not entirely uncommon. For me I think it is a lack of affection and love in my life for a very long time. Like forever until I met boyfriend I was only used and not really loved.
Now I find myself in a situation where I gain a Sister, a Godchild, and reunite with the best lover I have had in my life. Now all that remains is to see how it can be maintained.

Issues of self worth come up Cupcake-san. I would imagine a lot of people who suddenly found themselves working on accepting a poly-amorous relationship would feel inadequate for a bit because they could not "make" the one they loved want only to love them. That was how I felt. Like I was not good enough, 'hot' enough or domestically talented enough to be a worthwhile wife type person. Nope not the case thank goodness. Other issues are mostly logistics category for me. Lets see brown sort this out eh? Living arrangements are going to suck hind titty for a bit but oh wellers. it will be better then here for my body and mind. One week at his side and I lost seven pounds. I would have lost more but BF and I were attached to Dragon Age and it was suck weather while I was there. One of my work team said it best "Women only really gain weight and spread out when they are sad or in a rut. if we are not depressed we are happy energetic do things and try to take care of ourselves more.
And yes that is my two cents for now.

[darkdemon130]

I am personaly a Monogomus Person Im also natrualy a very jealous person i seem to realize because I care about my partner so much i feel threatened by another female I mean if im involved im fine with it but if hes talking to a girl by himself i get beyond jealous i geuss the only way that will happen over time and more trust will i get over that within myself but im monogomus in every way

[Corvidae]

I find males more physically attractive overall, but it depends--my definition of 'beauty' is very skewed, so that since most of the girls I know are conventionally pretty, I don't find any of them attractive except vaguely in an artistic sense. I don't know, something in the way they're too... perfect, I suppose would be the word... they almost don't look like people, with the flawless skin and the perfect hair and the long thick eyelashes and everything. People aren't like that, they have messy hair and acne and eyes that crinkle at the edges when they laugh. I don't know.

As of now I'm asexual, though I'm fairly certain I'm not aromantic. I'm also young, so it may be that I just haven't developed those feelings yet.

I don't think I could handle a polyamorous relationship, though never having been in a romantic relationship of any kind I don't know. Perhaps if I personally and closely knew both partners involved (well, I suppose it wouldn't really work any other way) I could have a triangular relationship, but I don't think I could go further than that.

[Ravenari]

I'm bisexual and polyamorous, but I prefer long-term relationships over one-night stands, swinging, or 'friends with benefits' situations, so as a result I'm currently in what appears to be - to everyone else! - a monogamous relationship with a man (i.e. heteresexual relationship). This can be frustrating, bisexual erasure is rampant and something I have to put up with on a regular basis (with persecution come from hetero and homosexual sides). When I was in a long-term relationship with a woman, people assumed I was gay. Again; very frustrating.

I have no problem with people being monogamous, since I think it really just depends on people's preferences. Some people are genuinely monogamous, and some are genuinely polyamorous. I think a lot of people who force themselves into conservative monogamous relationships end up cheating, if they're genuinely polyamorous, which is a toothy ethical issue and a very destructive and unfortunate one (cheating can happen in polyamory too, I just personally think it tends to be less likely).

[LunatheDragoness]

I'm new to being polyamorous . I was in a monogamy relationship for about a year and a half and I was not happy. It may have been the fact I didnt like his family much or something like that; but in anyway I was not happy.
I meet a friend from another website who started to talk to me about his poly marriage with his now-ex wife. It interested me and as I learned more about it I found that I may be in a wrong type of relationship. So I left the monogamy relationship and went into a poly relationship with two other guys.
Currently I'm very happy. The two guys live together, are best friends, get along great, and neither of them are possessive or clingy. Which I LOVE. I love feeling free and at least knowing that I have the freedom to do things that, in a monogamy relationship, would be considered as "cheating". I am the only female, hoping it stays that way. Its just us 3 which is amazing. I dont mind them having another female as long as they get along with me and I get along with them. And that the new female doesnt disturb how things are currently. I do not like change that much.

EDIT: Looking back at my older posts I see that I wasnt very mature when posting them.. I apologize if anything I posted in the past upset anyone.

[MothballMilkshake]

It's really interesting that most people don't realise polygamy only refers to one man/multiple wives. There's a separate term for one woman/multiple husbands, I believe it is polyandry?
Personally, I am in a monogamous relationship, which I think works well for most people due to a deep insecurity instilled in us since birth - that we need another person to validate us. If that makes sense, of course. I have toed the line between being in polyamorous relationships, but the challenging thing in those - particularly in the sort I was to be involved in - is if you have stronger feelings for one person than another. It's all about recognising your own emotions, and of course, proper communication!

[Kisax127]

I'm polyamorous, and a panromantic demisexual. My friend's polyamorous, too! Though he's aromantic.
Though my boyfriend and I decided to go in to a monogamous relationship - mostly because we're very content with each other and everyone else sucks, haha.

I remember some of my friends finding out, and they automatically thought I was cheating on my boyfriend as well as he was cheating on me. And they would call it polygamy, and my laptop's autocorrect wants to change polyamorous to polygamy. >_<

It's really sad that not that many people understand this term at all, and even fewer practice it. I actually stopped telling everyone that I am polyamorous - because they think I'm unfaithful to my boyfriend of 3 years. :/ No winning. Only a few select of my friends actually know and accept that about me. I'm happy to know I'm not alone on this website!

*hugs all*

[MothballMilkshake]

This actually came up recently. I have been dating my partner for a year and a half, but have recently developed a crush on another boy. This boy also likes me, and when I brought up polyamory, would consider it. However, my partner is not open to the idea. In some ways it kind of sucks living in a culture that encourages jealousy.

Has anyone read Wheel of Time? Some of the societies in that practise polyamorous relationships, which I don't see in books all that often. Usually it's up to the women, too! If two women like one man, they agree between them to both marry him. Or, if one woman likes many men, she just 'bonds' them all. Gimme some of dat!

[gimmecookies]

I'm of the personal opinion that individuals should be able to pursue whatever relationship structure that makes them happy. I'm personally monogamish, which means that while I try my best to maintain monogamous, both me and my partner are open to the idea that we may need other people at some point or another. This is especially the case because my interests with people tend to be extraordinarily short lived and I struggle to keep interest in people for extended periods of time.

[SilverWolf]

I'm fully monogamous and I am not willing to try anything else. Call me selfish or jealous, but I just don't like the idea of the person I'm with being with somebody else as well. I don't feel like it would be a full relationship, since I'd have to share with another person. We wouldn't be able to move in together, unless we all moved in together, and marriage would be out of the question. Then there would be sex, and it just grosses me out to know that the person I'm with is also sleeping with other people I know. I would just seem to me to be a dead-end relationship. With that being said, I have no problem with other people practicing polygamy/polyandy/etc. It doesn't have anything to do with me, so I see no reason why I should be against other people doing it.

With that being said, there is no true way to understand why a person is monogamous, polygamous, etc. if you don't have the same thought process. It's just one of those things that you can try your best to understand and accept, but in the end you'll never fully understand why that person is that way because you aren't the same way as they are. For example, I breed Ringneck doves. Ringneck doves are monogamous and will stay with their partner until she/he dies. Yet, for a period, I had only 4 males and 7 females in one aviary and all my females were laying fertile eggs. Why did some of my doves choose to break against their monogamous instincts? There's really no telling why. According to all the experts, they weren't suppose to, yet they did. If we can't figure out why monogamous doves can turn polygamous, then there's really no way to figure out why humans can be monogamous or polygamous.

I didn't really expect that this topic would diminish my faith in finding a good man in the future who's monogamous and doesn't cheat, but it certainly did...