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Fire and Ice (Competition Entry)

Posted: July 24th, 2009, 1:54:24 pm
by Kyrieath
Involved creatures: Phoenix, Ice Phoenix
Locations: Desert, Stream

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The desert sands sat quietly beneath the sun's cruel light; over the burning grains, two birds struggled to cross through a sky no cooler for their height. They were both things of beauty; one clad in feathers of black so deep to glimmer blue beneath the light, the other bearing feathers such a rich brown to glow as gold.

The desert was taxing on this beauty, however. Feathers hung ragged, shed with each weakening flap of the wings as these creatures sought to escape the landscape below them. Every stroke of the wing saw them a touch lower until at last, they could soar no longer. They saw an oddity upon the sands below, a raised surface not born of heated rock or desert illusion. As their wings gave way to drop them to the heat below, a figure emerged from this 'surface', then proven to be a pavilion. He hurried toward the two creatures he saw descend...but by the time he reached them, their struggles had ceased.

He knelt down to gently gather up the two magnificent beasts into his arms and brought them into his pavilion. Here, the mage began weaving a spell to open a gateway to a hidden place. He took with him the two birds, still warm within from the life the desert had stolen away, and knelt before the waters of the MagiStream.

A small fire he built for each, surrounded by the markings of a spell. One he burned beneath the warm sun's light, the other beneath the chilly moon's. The ashes of the one he burned beneath the sun he placed within the water's caress. Before his very eyes, the stream swirled the ashes about and flame lept up from its touch. The flame grew larger before the image of the golden bird, now clad in fire, spread its wings before him. Then it faded away as the egg sank into the water entirely to await its proper time of rebirth with new siblings the stream would provide.

When he threw the ashes of the bird he had burned beneath the moonlight, they did not gather into the stream as the golden one's had. Rather, a sudden wind allowed them only a moment's kiss before whisking the dampened ashes up to the mage's dismay. A flash of blue in the distance was the only consolation he had that perhaps the stream had still claimed this one...but wait as he might, only eggs born of sunfire would rise from the stream.

Gently, he gathered the first phoenix egg the stream set afloat before him and withdrew to raise it in honor of both fallen birds, mourning the one he thought lost forever.

Re: Fire and Ice (Competition Entry)

Posted: July 24th, 2009, 4:43:13 pm
by SunsetGuardian
You're story is really good. The ending is, to me, in a sense, left unsaid. The ice phoenix is just hoped for, in other words. But your writing style is very interesting :D

Re: Fire and Ice (Competition Entry)

Posted: July 24th, 2009, 5:23:09 pm
by Arimermaid
Very good! :italian: ^_^ :haha: :D :crazy:

Re: Fire and Ice (Competition Entry)

Posted: July 24th, 2009, 7:10:09 pm
by Kyrieath
SunsetGuardian wrote:You're story is really good. The ending is, to me, in a sense, left unsaid. The ice phoenix is just hoped for, in other words. But your writing style is very interesting :D
Hehe...that's exactly how I hoped the ending would be received. :) Remy isn't my character to use after all and we don't really know just how he finds all those interesting eggs. I'm glad you liked it!

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Thank you, Arimermaid. :) Happy at least a couple folks enjoyed it.

Thank you both for reading. XD

Re: Fire and Ice (Competition Entry)

Posted: July 24th, 2009, 9:02:37 pm
by Black Storm
I liked it. You kind of have to guess which of the original birds became which Phoenix, but it is still a great story. Good luck!

Re: Fire and Ice (Competition Entry)

Posted: July 24th, 2009, 9:18:21 pm
by Kamitsure
I'm guessing someone down stream picked up the ice pheonix because of it's beauty, and they never let it give birth in the stream, onl in the shop. Ver good story, though, liked it. Kinda one of those creation myths. ^_^

Re: Fire and Ice (Competition Entry)

Posted: July 25th, 2009, 3:35:44 pm
by Kyrieath
Black Storm wrote:I liked it. You kind of have to guess which of the original birds became which Phoenix, but it is still a great story. Good luck!
I was deliberately trying to leave that a bit vague; I was going for the mythology feel so I tried to leave some details up to the reader to decide. I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you for reading! :)
squibelala wrote:I'm guessing someone down stream picked up the ice pheonix because of it's beauty, and they never let it give birth in the stream, onl in the shop. Ver good story, though, liked it. Kinda one of those creation myths. ^_^
Hehe; that's exactly the kind of feel I was going for; myths pretty rarely covered every last event to happen in them. It's a bit different than my usual line of writing but it was fun to do. Thank you for reading. :)