Needing help

[LunatheDragoness]

I'm trying to write a story but I'm not very good at it. Id like to get some help from those who are experts at writing or at least anyone whos able to help me out.

I need help with character building. I have some of my characters written out but Im not so sure if they would be interesting to the readers.

I also have the plot written out but Im not so sure if, again, if its interesting to the readers. I have great ideas in my head but I always forget them later on.

I have no name for the story yet

Spoiler

Plot: Year is 2400. County has fallen into disrepair. An unknown plaque turns normal humans into zombies. Government created this plague to “thin out” the humans. The human race corrupted Earth. More than 90% of the planets animals and plants have been wiped out. The humans constant want to build, repopulate, and greed has driven the government to take action. Its been dormant in the human body for centuries. The plague was in the peoples water, food, and air. Passed down from generation to generation. Their thought was that only the strongest humans who are able to survive will be worthy of starting anew. The plaque finally took its hold on the humans after the government ordered all citizens need a new vaccine.
A small group of survivors try to make it out on their own. Facing the evils of humans when survival kicks in and the hordes of zombies. Along the way they learn what the government has done and that there was a way to cure all this. Whatever was left of the government was hiding underground, safe from all this. The leader of creating a cure has completed it. All that they needed now was for the people who are strong enough to survive this to find them. If any of them survive that is.
Characters:
Small Group:
Phil Norman: 35 year old male. Unmarried. No children. Lost brother to the plaque. 6”2, muscular, white, ignorant sometimes, has a southern accent, brown short hair, brown eyes. Born and raised in Derby, Kansas. Unemployed. Outdoors enthusiast, knows how to survive in the wild.

Sally Luke: 20 year old female. Unmarried. No children. Watched her parents and sister get eaten by zombies during the first outbreak. 5”6, average build, African American, black hair, dark brown eyes, says whats on her mind. Born in Miami, Florida. Moved to Derby, Kansas less than a year ago. Has some mental problems. Recently fired from coffee shop.

Oliver Nimble: 27 year old male. Married. 2 Children. Lost wife to the plaque. Children unknown whereabouts. Part of City Council Ward 2. 5”5, black medium hair, hazel eyes, average build, white, committed to his job and family, socially awkward. Born in Tucson, Arizona. Moved to Derby, Kansas for wife and her family. Secretly gay.

Amber White: 19 year old female. Unmarried. Recently had a miscarriage. Escaped from prison while the chaos unfolded, a nice prison guard helped her. Not fully aware of whats happening yet.. 5”2, red hair, Hispanic, green eyes, tattoo of Jesus on her left arm. Born in Seattle, Washington. Moved to Derby, Kansas to live with her older brother who was recovering from a hit and run.

Jake Jackson: 29 year old male. Divorced. No children. Worked as a computer technician for a cable company. Interested in everything tech. Low profile hacker. 5”8, chubby, blonde short buzzed cut hair, blue eyes, glasses. Interested in knifes and martial arts. Born and raised in Derby, Kansas.
Zack Goods: 38 year old male. Unmarried. Adopted 2 children. Industrial Engineer.

Update: So I came up with the name "Thinning Out" or "Thinning The Herd" for the title. What do you think?
Also, this is like a zombie/survival/horror book Im planning on writing. Theres a lot of zombie books/movies/ect out there so I'd like some help to make this unique

Update: I got some new characters..tell me what you think! I'll take all the help I can get!

Spoiler

Lab Technicians:
Characters
Ben Carlton: Head of the operation. No family. Doesnt take no for an answer. Creator of Z1 plaque. 26 year old Male. Very intelligent for his age. Graduated Yale at age 16. Been working for the government in their secret bio-weapons projects. 5”9, French (white), buzzed cut blonde hair, manipulative, has scar on his face. Has his own plans for the Z1.
Jen Sho: Lead scientist of operation. Has a daughter age 17. Keeps her head low and does what she is told what to do. 32 year old Female. First started out as just a low ranked scientist till the government noticed her potential. Japanese, 5”0, long black hair, dark brown eyes, glasses, wears a pin on her lab coat her daughter made her. Knows that the Z1 will be the end of humanity.
Summer Wikens: Bacteriologist.

[rayforbidden]

Hey there! Maybe mention what animals and plants are still remaining. This could prove vital for your story and help with keeping the story on a constant rise.

[LunatheDragoness]

Hey there! Maybe mention what animals and plants are still remaining. This could prove vital for your story and help with keeping the story on a constant rise.

Hmm..yeah thats a good idea. I'll have to think of that!

[rayforbidden]

Hey there! Maybe mention what animals and plants are still remaining. This could prove vital for your story and help with keeping the story on a constant rise.

Hmm..yeah thats a good idea. I'll have to think of that!

Np! PM me if you need help.

[Pok]

Hey

Personally I don't see anything wrong with your characters from where I'm looking, but one word of caution: try to focus more on bringing out those that are crucial to the plot, and don't spend too much time working on those that are unlikely to make it to or affect the story. That way it makes rounding them out easier once you have a better idea of how they are. Try not to plan every single person that appears to a high level of detail, instead reserve your efforts for the important ones who appear throughout. Mostly it's your own judgement, so I can't decide how you write your story.

About the plot, I know how you feel about the genre, as many films and bestsellers are set in a dystopian setting. Don't let that discourage you, instead, you could actually get a few pointers from the examples on how to better manage the backstory component. I'd suggest taking a look at The Maze Runner. Also, as a newbie writer myself, I'd suggest you write down ideas (or plot bunnies as some call them) so even if you don't seem to include them, you can also recycle them later on.

One thing's for sure, I'd 100% read your story Feel free to PM me.

(As for the title, could I suggest "Cull"? I can't think of much better. )

[Raneth]

I'm not one to comment on characters since planning characterization is my weak point (I'm a pantser,not a plotter) but I can talk about your concept.

Also, its "plague" not "plaque." Plaque is what you scrape off your teeth.


Year is 2400. County has fallen into disrepair. An unknown plaque turns normal humans into zombies. Government created this plague to “thin out” the humans.--This is already kind of unbelievable. Why would the government do this? Are they not human? Was the plague something that was supposed to be controlled and then went out of control? Was the plague meant to create zombies, or was that an unintended side-effect?

The human race corrupted Earth. More than 90% of the planets animals and plants have been wiped out. The humans constant want to build, repopulate, and greed has driven the government to take action. Greed for what? What benefit does killing off humanity give the government?

Its been dormant in the human body for centuries. The plague was in the peoples water, food, and air. Passed down from generation to generation. Their thought was that only the strongest humans who are able to survive will be worthy of starting anew. The plaque finally took its hold on the humans after the government ordered all citizens need a new vaccine. So...the government put the plague in vaccines, or the plague has been in the water and air for centuries? I'm confused here.

A small group of survivors try to make it out on their own. Facing the evils of humans when survival kicks in and the hordes of zombies. Along the way they learn what the government has done and that there was a way to cure all this. Whatever was left of the government was hiding underground, safe from all this. The leader of creating a cure has completed it. All that they needed now was for the people who are strong enough to survive this to find them. If any of them survive that is.If there's a straight-up cure, why does it matter if people are "strong enough to survive?"

There are two problems I have with the concept as is: One, the government's motivation doesn't make sense. What are they getting out of this plague? Culling humanity just for the heck of it doesn't make sense as a motivation, especially if the government is greedy. You don't make money by killing everyone. And if they wanted to cull humanity to reduce overpopulation, why choose a zombie virus? Why is this a zombie story?

The other problem is that this isn't particularly unique. A group of people escaping zombies to find the source of the outbreak has been done so many times its almost a cliche. What is unique about your story? I think you can make this unique, but you need to flesh out the government's motivation a lot more. Also, if its 1400 years in the future, could you do something like zombies in space? Technology will have advanced a lot by then, I'd imagine.

Anyway, those are just some thoughts. Take them or leave them.

[pegasi1978]

Something else to think about why are all your females so much younger than the males?

[LunatheDragoness]

I'm not one to comment on characters since planning characterization is my weak point (I'm a pantser,not a plotter) but I can talk about your concept.

Also, its "plague" not "plaque." Plaque is what you scrape off your teeth.


Year is 2400. County has fallen into disrepair. An unknown plaque turns normal humans into zombies. Government created this plague to “thin out” the humans.--This is already kind of unbelievable. Why would the government do this? Are they not human? Was the plague something that was supposed to be controlled and then went out of control? Was the plague meant to create zombies, or was that an unintended side-effect?

The human race corrupted Earth. More than 90% of the planets animals and plants have been wiped out. The humans constant want to build, repopulate, and greed has driven the government to take action. Greed for what? What benefit does killing off humanity give the government?

Its been dormant in the human body for centuries. The plague was in the peoples water, food, and air. Passed down from generation to generation. Their thought was that only the strongest humans who are able to survive will be worthy of starting anew. The plaque finally took its hold on the humans after the government ordered all citizens need a new vaccine. So...the government put the plague in vaccines, or the plague has been in the water and air for centuries? I'm confused here.

A small group of survivors try to make it out on their own. Facing the evils of humans when survival kicks in and the hordes of zombies. Along the way they learn what the government has done and that there was a way to cure all this. Whatever was left of the government was hiding underground, safe from all this. The leader of creating a cure has completed it. All that they needed now was for the people who are strong enough to survive this to find them. If any of them survive that is.If there's a straight-up cure, why does it matter if people are "strong enough to survive?"

There are two problems I have with the concept as is: One, the government's motivation doesn't make sense. What are they getting out of this plague? Culling humanity just for the heck of it doesn't make sense as a motivation, especially if the government is greedy. You don't make money by killing everyone. And if they wanted to cull humanity to reduce overpopulation, why choose a zombie virus? Why is this a zombie story?

The other problem is that this isn't particularly unique. A group of people escaping zombies to find the source of the outbreak has been done so many times its almost a cliche. What is unique about your story? I think you can make this unique, but you need to flesh out the government's motivation a lot more. Also, if its 1400 years in the future, could you do something like zombies in space? Technology will have advanced a lot by then, I'd imagine.

Anyway, those are just some thoughts. Take them or leave them.

This is really helpful! I didnt think about any of those questions before. If you have anymore hints please email me! [email protected]

Something else to think about why are all your females so much younger than the males?

I didnt notice that till now.

[Elfidea]

Hi !
I read that you often forget your ideas. I've got the same problem, so I did a little notebook where I write all my ideas when I get it
I can't help you for your stories cause I havn't got a really good english, but I can say enjoy your writing !!
Elfi