Trigger Warning: Sexual harassment/assault

[MissMurderPaws]

Definitely. If people can avoid becoming entangled in that sort of situation, it would be great, so feel free to share your experience(s, as the case may be)

I'm sorry you had to experience that, but I am definitely glad you got out of what could have been a very, very bad situation. I definitely like how your advice isn't victim blaming, either. I've heard some people tell me how to "Not ge raped." and their tips usually included not drinking, or being even vaguely attractive, or provocative in any way.
This advice is actually good advice, and I'm sure might help more than a few people out of unpleasant situations that may occur, or may have occurred, had they not listened.

[GrowlingCupcake]

Teaching healthy sexual relationships would definitely be a good thing. I think it goes beyond just consent, though. I think we need to teach them that a low cut top doesn't mean you can rape a woman, that men are not just these hormone drive penises, and that men who are raped are not somehow less. Right now, the idea that men are driven by their penises and women are temptresses is kind of ingrained in society. A woman who looks 'sexy' is obviously gagging for it. Men can't control themselves. Those ideas need to change.

It also needs to be clear that not wanting sex is perfectly fine and that wanting sex is perfectly fine. Someone might really want sex from their partner but their partner might not want to have sex. There's nothing wrong with either unless they coerce or go against consent.

I think a lot of it is also not... "Oh I didn't know they weren't interested." A lot of it is "I don't care, I want what I want". People are bastards. We need to realise that. We cannot expect them to think "Oh, I shouldn't rape this person". There are things we do that put us at an increased risk of rape (and other crimes). Don't walk in a place that tends to be crime filled. Realise that people will look at a woman and judge her based on her clothing. Realise being drunk means you're less inhibited. Stuff like that. Don't get me wrong, doing those doesn't mean the victim is to blame. A person has every right to drink or wear whatever they want and should not be harmed for it. But this isn't an ideal world and we can't play by those rules. We can't change how others behave so we have to find ways to make sure they can harm us as little as possible, to lower opportunities. I'm not saying don't drink or whatever. I'm just saying realise that there are people who want to hurt you and take what precautions you can.

In an ideal world, a person could walk in the meanest part of town naked and drunk out of their mind and not one person would rape them. We don't live in an ideal world. We live in a world filled with bastards.

Edit: I would also like to see more mental health help available for rapists. I don't think locking them up and throwing away the key is the answer. In some cases, yeah. In other cases... I think we should at least try to better them.

But then I think most prison systems are abysmal and not the way to solve the problem of crime and recidivism.

[MissMurderPaws]

^This is probably the single greatest thing I have ever read, concerning the topic of sex crimes. I honestly can't even type a good enough reply to do it justice.

[MothballMilkshake]

I think language also plays a huge part in how we see sex - especially with somebody you're involved with. Even your earlier post, Shadowfang, mentioned you felt guilty for not 'giving it' to him, which is a really common thing to hear in society at large - that sex is something women 'give', not 'enjoy' or 'participate in' - just something they produce/supply with no attachment to it themselves.

Any thoughts on that?

[mulan]

sexual harassment is include touching a breasts (boobs) ???

[MothballMilkshake]

sexual harassment is include touching a breasts (boobs) ???

Yes, if you were not giving them consent for it then it is sexual harassment. Any touching that makes you feel uncomfortable that you haven't given permission for is harassment.

[MissMurderPaws]

@Mulan: Sexual harassment or assault is basically when somebody touches you, or talks to you in a way tha makes you very uncomfortable, and in which you did not tell them they could.

@MothballMilkshake: Oh my god, you're right. i never even thought about it that way, but you're right. Even in my head, I always call things like that (When I'm being unprofessional) "Getting some" or "Giving it." or such similar phrases, and I never even thought that the ay I say it just may have to be a big part of why I seem to think it's necessary sometimes (Or, I used to) To "give" Up my body.
Even now, my partner will make a move, I'll tell him I really am not in the mood, and then I apologize! Profusely. Like "I'm so sorry, but I'm just not in the mood." As though I did something wrong, and even helooks at me like "Look, I'm not gonna be disappointed that you're not in the mood."

[MothballMilkshake]

Don't worry - I do it too. I think people are conditioned to believe that men 'get' sex and women 'give' it, like it's a transaction, which can really ruin everything, and pretty much stop you ever enjoying it.

Also notice how sex seems to be a limited resource when talking of slut shaming? 'She gives it away too easy' - but the reverse 'he gets it so often!' makes it seem like he's profiting but she's losing out. I rarely hear men talk of 'giving it up', like it's some treasure to be hoarded, but it's very common when talking of women.

Hmm.

[mulan]

sexual harassment is include touching a breasts (boobs) ???

Yes, if you were not giving them consent for it then it is sexual harassment. Any touching that makes you feel uncomfortable that you haven't given permission for is harassment.

@Mulan: Sexual harassment or assault is basically when somebody touches you, or talks to you in a way tha makes you very uncomfortable, and in which you did not tell them they could.

Ahhhh"...........I see, thank you. So it mean it include touching a butt too.

[TxCat]

Mulan: sexual harassment is defined by law differently in different countries and here in the US even the state rules may differ. Generally, sexual harassment includes any unwanted sexually oriented conduct. In Florida, where I live, that includes everything from lewd jokes to inappropriate touching such as brushing breasts or butt, duties other coworkers do not have to perform which are not part of the job, and referring to someone as a sexual object.

Here in Florida, sexual assault is a more specific offense involving unwanted touching such as out of context hugs, fondling breasts or buttocks and attempts to initiate intercourse. The key here is the inappropriate, forceful (nonconsentual) touching which makes the victim feel uncomfortable.

There is a third category under Florida law which includes rape and is called sexual battery. This is defined as forceful, unwanted sexual contact (but not always penetration). It can and usually does include other legal charges such as battery or attempted murder.

Shadow: Again, I can only speak of Florida law (and, to some extent, Colorado since I gre up there). What you describe, to me, falls under nonconsentual and is therefore rape. Unfortunately, Florida law does not agree. Sex between couples is always assumed consentual unless that person doesn't live with you or gained admission to your place of residence (which does not include cars since they are not viewed as private property) by force. The law here makes it incredibly difficult to rid oneself of a sexual stalker as you cannot even get a restraining order unless the person lives with you or has resided with you within the last year over a period of six months.